Най-лошите и абсурдни ревюта на албуми, които сте чели Опции

[abydos]

Това би трябвало да е интересна тема, ако се развие и има потенциал да е доста забавна .
Споделете най-лошите ревюта, на които сте попадали. Обикновено най-забавни са такива за албуми, които са доказали влиянието и качеството си през годините. Ще започна аз с ревю на един от най-любимите ми албуми Terria на канадския музикален психопат Devin Townsend.
Предлагам на пост да не се пускат по повече от 2 ревюта, за да не се затлачи темата. Нека и покоментираме и да се посмеем на тези ревюта и хората, които са ги писали . По възможност дайте и линк към ревюто.

This music describes the best what is a monolithic electric guitar! I have never heard a more monolithic electric rhythmic guitar than on this record: that's completely ridiculous! This brutal guitar is so distorted and polluted with tons of useless effects that it takes all the available room! As if it was not enough, the musician seems to take a huge pleasure to exaggeratedly sustain each note, a painful torment for the ears! The rhythmic guitar is COMPLETELY unmelodious. The lead vocals are just simply too angry and aggressive for me. When the lead vocals are more mellow, they amazingly remind me David Gilmour and James LaBrie. There are some good acoustic guitar parts. There are some unconvincing TV or radio sounds, a much worse copy of Roger Waters' effects: they seem too coarsely produced. You can hear some whales-like sounds. There are some rare good passages, so that, globally, this record is not worth a complete listen. The only track that retained more my attention is "Deep peace", starting with an imitation of David Gilmour's voice; an Oldfield-esque guitar solo then begins, followed by an Hillage-esque one, featuring his spacy ambience from the "Green" album; then, it changes to a VERY modest & much slower attempt to emulate the symphonic Yngwie Malmsteen himself. This VERY rebel music is probably perfect for the young people who like disturbing moods.

Rating: 1.5 star

Source: http://www.progarchives.com/Review.asp?id=61487

За много години!

[Aggressive Perfe...]

Deicide - Deicide

It’s hard to be a death metal fan and not know of Deicide. They’ve been around for a while, have released about a hundred albums, and the antics of their forehead-branded Neanderthal frontman have been the talk of metal magazines and televangelists for years. They’re hailed as being one of the earliest and best death metal bands. However, as with many oldschool bands, one has to wonder whether this praise is deserved or if “fans” of the band are just trying to establish that they’re “tr00” (for example, only Tom actually likes Darkthrone). I’m going to answer the question once and for all, setting down in stone the objective truth regarding this album (meaning: the following is my bullshit opinion).

Songwriting
3
Yawn. It sounds like they wrote one song ten times. Every song is pretty much typical verse/chorus/verse broken up by the occasional silly-ass guitar solo. This would be fine by this meathead if there were some groove bouncing around. However, there isn’t. The album just chugs along at what I’m sure was a fast pace for its day and rarely does anything memorable. The opener, “Lunatic of God’s Creation,” is the one song which actually stuck with me. It’s actually a pretty good song, with some good, simple riffing going on. Things go downhill after that, however, and never truly recover.

Production
4
The production is pretty muddy and kind of weak. Everything has a raw feel to it, which can be a good thing. However, rather than being mean and gritty, more often than not things come across as being pretty flat and uninteresting. It’s pretty much what you’d expect from a death metal band’s debut album in 1990, no worse, certainly no better. Meh.

Guitars
4
Due to the production, the guitars have a nice raw, edgy sound sometimes. However, they are often too low in the mix and frequently quite thin sounding. A meatier sound would have gone a long way to making this sound better. Most of the songs are spent chugging out generic thrash riffs over and over, with breaks for the ubiquitous squiggly, idiotic, Slayer-wannabe solo. Taken in small doses it can be somewhat entertaining. Prolonged exposure can lead to drowsiness.

Vocals
3
Benton is certainly a fine vocalist. NOW. This is not the case on “Deicide.” His higher screams are actually quite good here, but his grunts and growls leave much to be desired. Much of the time he sounds more like he’s irritated and has something caught in his throat than possessed by the Dark Lord. When grunting out the fast parts of the songs, he sounds as if he’s running out of breath and lacks any punch in his delivery. If you want to know what Glen is famous for, other than branding his forehead and being a loudmouth, check out his work with Vital Remains on the album “Dechristianize.” Glen became a ferocious vocalist with great low and high range. However, in 1990, he was still developing his throatsmanship.

Bass
0
Just like Sasquatch, it’s rumored to exist, but no compelling evidence supports the claims.

Drums
4
As far as the playing goes, it’s straight-ahead double-bass pounding, some blasting, and a few unimaginative fills that are played well enough. It’s all decent, but nothing special, keeps the pace well. However, from a production angle, the drum sound is weak. Clicky double bass and oddly muffled sounding snares and cymbals give the drums an awkward, fumbling sound which does not suit the attitude Deicide are attempting to establish very well. Like the overall production, this is very typical of your garden variety early 90’s death metal. Nothing at all worth mentioning.

Lyrics
3
Asinine ultra-Satanic drivel. For example, the song “Sacrificial Suicide” is a song about a person killing himself for “Father Satan” so that he can become God himself. What? Uhhhhh, Glen hates God. Satan hates God. Glen is going to kill himself, go to Hell, and be with Father Satan. Father Satan is going to make Glen God? Allllllllright. I give this three points for unintentional hilarity and the fact that I bet I would have a blast shouting along if I were wasted.

Cover Art
7
The cover art is actually pretty good. It’s a simple black background with some sort of bronze or gold sigil with a horned beast’s snarling face in the center. Hm, I wonder, might that be Satan?

Logo
4
The word “DEICIDE” written in blood. Nothing spectacular, but looks ok and is legible.

Booklet
?
All I know about the booklet is that it has the logo and the coverart on it. Not sure what’s inside, because I don’t have the thing. Maybe it’s got instructions by Glen on creatively burning your forehead.

Overall and Ending Rant
3
Most of those points are due to the fact that the opening track is actually not bad. “Lunatic of God’s Creation,” while being a decent song, does not justify buying an entire album. Or praising it. This is a boring, repetitive, under-produced album with subpar songwriting and vocals. You want oldschool American death? Go with “Slowly We Rot” or “World Demise” by Obituary, “Consuming Impulse” by Pestilence, or older Death or Morbid Angel. “Deicide” just doesn’t measure up to those masterpieces.