Най-лошите и абсурдни ревюта на албуми, които сте чели Опции

[abydos]

Това би трябвало да е интересна тема, ако се развие и има потенциал да е доста забавна .
Споделете най-лошите ревюта, на които сте попадали. Обикновено най-забавни са такива за албуми, които са доказали влиянието и качеството си през годините. Ще започна аз с ревю на един от най-любимите ми албуми Terria на канадския музикален психопат Devin Townsend.
Предлагам на пост да не се пускат по повече от 2 ревюта, за да не се затлачи темата. Нека и покоментираме и да се посмеем на тези ревюта и хората, които са ги писали . По възможност дайте и линк към ревюто.

This music describes the best what is a monolithic electric guitar! I have never heard a more monolithic electric rhythmic guitar than on this record: that's completely ridiculous! This brutal guitar is so distorted and polluted with tons of useless effects that it takes all the available room! As if it was not enough, the musician seems to take a huge pleasure to exaggeratedly sustain each note, a painful torment for the ears! The rhythmic guitar is COMPLETELY unmelodious. The lead vocals are just simply too angry and aggressive for me. When the lead vocals are more mellow, they amazingly remind me David Gilmour and James LaBrie. There are some good acoustic guitar parts. There are some unconvincing TV or radio sounds, a much worse copy of Roger Waters' effects: they seem too coarsely produced. You can hear some whales-like sounds. There are some rare good passages, so that, globally, this record is not worth a complete listen. The only track that retained more my attention is "Deep peace", starting with an imitation of David Gilmour's voice; an Oldfield-esque guitar solo then begins, followed by an Hillage-esque one, featuring his spacy ambience from the "Green" album; then, it changes to a VERY modest & much slower attempt to emulate the symphonic Yngwie Malmsteen himself. This VERY rebel music is probably perfect for the young people who like disturbing moods.

Rating: 1.5 star

Source: http://www.progarchives.com/Review.asp?id=61487

За много години!

[Aggressive Perfe...]

Hello Recycling Bin! - 12%
Written by Falconsbane on May 18th, 2005

If you asked the average metalhead to name the landmark releases in metal history, chances are, Iron Maiden's "The Number of the Beast" would make the list. Of course, the average metalhead would be hard pressed to come up with a room temperature IQ at the North Pole, so we would probably do better better to ignore such opinions. In truth, "The Number of the Beast" marked Iron Maiden's descent into self-parody, a trend that would only get worse with each subsequent album. Even the addition of the incomparable Bruce Dickinson on lead vocals is not enough to cover up the album's glaring flaws.

"The Number of the Beast" is the first Maiden album to display Steve Harris' mature writing style, and by "mature" I mean this is the first album where Steve figured out he didn't actually have to write new songs to impress his brain dead fanbase. Accordingly, "The Number of the Beast" consists of "Hallowed be Thy Name," "22 Acacia Avenue" and one other song repeated seven times. While it is true that the former remains one of the more brilliant pieces of songwriting to emerge from the NWOBHM movement it in no way compensates for the miserable quality of the rest of the album. It is a tribute to the greatness of Bruce Dickinson that he is able to rise above such mediocre material to lend a certain anthemic urgency to otherwise DOA songs like "Run to the Hills" and "Invaders," but even he can's save absolute dreck like the unbearably cheesy title track.

"The Number of the Beast" is also notable for its introduction of a basic approach to mixing and production that would help sap the life from the band's music for the next two decades. The vocals are pulled forward (good idea, as Dickinson was clearly the best thing the band had going from them), but so is the bass. The latter is annoyingly up front, for reasons that probably have to do with Steve Harris' massive (and largely unearned) ego. That this self-indulgence comes at the expense of an adequate guitar sound is unforgivable, and it is a clear sign of just who was responsible for turning Iron Maiden into the most boring and predictable band in heavy metal.

Гхахахахахахаххахаахха!!!