Най-лошите и абсурдни ревюта на албуми, които сте чели Опции

[Duh5]

Про-рок има един-единствен недостатък: твърде скъпо е. Иначе щеше да бъде перфектната тоалетна хартия.

Странно, аз си мислех, че тоалетната хартия трябва да е мека.. Внимавай с гланцираните листа на списанието да не си разраниш меките части. О, извинявай, ти не знаеше ли, че се издава на такава хартия? Мдаа..

Rolf, даваш два примера - за тенденциозност и за незнание. Склонен съм да им ги простя от гледна точка на количеството добре написани и интересни неща там.

[scion_of_storm]

UltraBoris верно е някакъв уникат

"Monochromatic Stains" commits another ultimate sin - that STUPID GODDAMN idea that if you wanna be m0dern and tr00 and whatever shit the teen angst kiddie pigfuckers aspire to nowadays, you gotta write songs that go like this:

Half a Maiden riff chopped up and gargled around a bit as an intro
Part with NO RIFFS, guitars drop away and whiny vocals come in, for verses
Another stupid dumbfuck bastardised riff comes in for the chorus
Repeat verse and chorus
Middle part with some more dumb guitar work that neither goes anywhere nor has anything to do with the previous parts - all interchangeable, you could take the intro from one song, the verse from another, the chorus from a third, the middle from a fourth, and have a perfectly "good" new song.

из ревюто му на Damage done на Dark Tranquillity

[Mangalf]

Тоя май ще ми стане любимец . Евала на куражлията който е наредил Транкуилити.

[Airin Of Ancelot]

Лошото е, че освен кураж май друго си няма...

[lodborg]

Изисква се ебаааати куражът, за да оплюеш някого по интернет. Страшна работа, току виж те баннат.

[Mangalf]

с него май сме единствените дето не ги признаваме Транкуилити, тъй че да

[Exhumator]

Добре бе, кво ми говорите за някакъв, дето написал 0%, (да 0%) за Master Of Puppets и го нарича The Album That Killed Heavy Metal. Не е куражлия, а иска да се прави на интересен, очевидно е от повечето му ревюта, оплюва всяка общопризната и доказана група.

[Nikola Bathory]

Satyr отдавна е известен с тъпотата си, така че нищо ново не научавам от този пасквил.

Именно, тоя слабоумник е супер жалък!!

[abydos]

Да се завърна в темата и аз, но първо искам да кажа няколко думи за Металика. Споменаваше се, че в тях липсва талант, което за мен е напълно вярно. Като музиканти са гола вода, елементарни, скучни и повтарящи се (особено след загубата на наистина добър басист). Вярно е, че са големи, но не можеш (като Ахат) да почиваш на дърти лаври от преди почти 20 години.
Единственото, което направиха е да смесят две неща, които не са били смесвани до тогава и да жънат успехите от това. След ударните си албуми са в постоянен спад. И все пак не мога да отрека, че са титани в жанра и съм благодарен, че се появиха, защото павираха пътя за много от сегашните ми любими групи.

Поразрових се малко из ревютата за един от най-любимите ми албуми изобщо - AWAKE на Dream Theater.
Мрачен, агресивен, лиричен, мелодичен, вдъхновен. Няма слабо място в албума - текстовете са добри, песните са добре конструирани, без излишни сложности и фукни, мелодиите са подходящи, красиви и свежи, нови. Разбирам защо хора не биха харесвали албума, или части от него, но това макар и културно написано "ревю" ме смая. Да не те засегне този албум поне отчасти (а да си фен на бандата, жанра) означава да нямаш душа. Ето за какво става дума:

This album is really stale, dry, and mostly, boring to my ears. I don't sense any artistic touch, nor do I experience any atmospheric sensations. Erotomania has a great keyboard line, and the Silent Man is decent, but the rest of this album revolves purely around techinical skill and lacks any feel (that, undefinable, invisible thing), musical or lyrical poetry, or anything really fresh. I'm not a fan of the tones and sounds of the instruments here (drums and guitar particularily) and LaBrie's vocals are at their most annoying. Songs like "The Mirror" are very aggressive, simple metal songs with interesting, amusing, but ultimately dull rhythmic guff. Space Dye Vest's piano intro does nothing for me; I feel no emotional response to it. And Scarred seems to be 11 minutes without substance.

This is my personal opinion on the piece, and if you disagree (I know many of you do) please do not be offended.

Source: http://www.progarchives.com/Review.asp?id=117943

[Rodd1ck]

^По същия начин някой друг човек би се смаял на твоето културно написано определение за Metallica.

И между другото тоя албум ми е може би любимия на Dream Theater.

[abydos]

Нищо невярно не съм казал за Металика. Слаби инструменталисти, от 20 години почти не са издали нещо, което да достига първите им албуми. Машина за пари са, и станаха такъв хит само защото до тогава не е имало точно такава група каквато са били те.

[Rodd1ck]

Че то това последното малко ли е само по себе си?

[abydos]

Да, има си термин за подобни явления, макар и да не е точно приложимо към случая - one hit wonder.
Бяха нови, имаха няколко идеи, изградиха си име и след това вече почти 20 години разчитат на онази слава да им продава албумите. Целият проблем им идва от това, че са слаби инструменталисти и музиканти. Нямат идеи, а ако имат - умението им да използват инструментите си им пречи да ги "съживят". Има и друг термин - sellouts. Той пасва тотално.
Но не това е темата, така че няма смисъл да се дискутира тук.

[Rodd1ck]

Съжалявам, но не можеш да даваш такива крайни определения без значение какво е мението ти.
На едно друго място човек направи сравнение между въпросната група и друга не по-малко титулувана, но основно в своите среди група - Queensrÿche по отношение на техничност и други критерии. Този човек изрази малко крайно мнение по отношение превъзходство на Metallica, но за музикална некомпетентност не може да се говори в случая, по-скоро е един вид субективност и емоционално отношение.

[abydos]

Двете групи имат нещо много общо: от повече от десетилетие и двете не са могли да достигнат нито един от албумите си от когато бяха нещо страховито в жанра си .

[Warrior Of Ice]

abydos, доста си краен по отношение на Metallica. Не може да се нарича one hit wonder една банда, която е издала четири от най-важните траш метъл албуми въобще. Иначе съм напълно съгласен за музикантските им качества, както и за тоталната им творческа импотентност през последните години.

[Ulair]

^ +1 Ех... а бяха една от групите, с които прослушах тази музика.

[SepulTeraHead]

Да, има си термин за подобни явления, макар и да не е точно приложимо към случая - one hit wonder.

АХАХАХАХАХАХ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111

Банда, която в продължение на близо 30 години не спира, от 20 години (поне) всяко тяхно издание се продава в огромни тиражи, повлияли са на сцената дао такава степен, че направо се чувствам тъпо да го пиша даже... и изведнъж са ONE HIT WONDER! OMFG!

Направи услуга на генетичния фонд на човечеството и нямай деца. kthxbai.

[abydos]

Искрено се надявам сам да послушаш съвета си.
От 20 години всеки техен албум не е нищо ново в музиката, а точно обратното - опити да останат популярни, да звучат модерно и т.н. Точно с албумите след черния не са променяли или повлияли с нищо. И когато казвах one hit wonder, го ползвах приблизително. Да, направили са 4 големи албума, но за 30 години да направиш само 4 албума, които да са на ниво и то това да са ти първите албуми и след това просто да се носиш по течението... какво да кажа.

Моля някой админ/мод да се намеси и да зачисти темата от офтопиците ако е възможно.

[Divine Assassin]

Metallica е групата положила основите на целия жанр. Накарала е милиони хора по света да започнат да слушат хубава музика. Няма човек, който да не е чувал за тях или да не може да каже поне едно изречение от някоя тяхна песен - независимо на каква възраст е или каква музика слуша. Това е много повече от достатъчно за си заслужат моето безкрайно и несекващо уважение, независимо какви ги вършат сега. А, кой знае, може и да ме зарадват отново някой ден..

[Lanfear]

Съгласна съм с Divine Assassin - и аз отраснах с тях . Не трябва да ги съдим толкова... а и не смятам, че са само надолу от 20год, може да не са нищо ново но аз лично нямам силици да кажа каквото и да е против тях...ееех спомени!! А за по-модерното звучене - ми... що пък не - лично аз с нетърпение чакам новия албум - ха дано ни зарадват нали Асасине?
Относно ревю-то за AWAKE -Dream Theater, което пост-на abydos.... потресох се...

[SepulTeraHead]

От 20 години всеки техен албум не е нищо ново в музиката, а точно обратното - опити да останат популярни, да звучат модерно и т.н. Точно с албумите след черния не са променяли или повлияли с нищо. И когато казвах one hit wonder, го ползвах приблизително. Да, направили са 4 големи албума, но за 30 години да направиш само 4 албума, които да са на ниво и то това да са ти първите албуми и след това просто да се носиш по течението... какво да кажа.

Кажи ми една (цифром - 1) група, която да е просъществувала толкова време и да има повече от 1, максимум 2-3 албума, които даса повлияли на музиката по някакъв начин. Никой не е законодател в музиката перманентно в продължение на толкова време. Повечето банди стигат един връх - един брилянтен албум, нерядко първия им, с който казват всичко, което са имали да казват, и от там нататък циклят на изграденото. Някои имат по няколко такива момента - Metallica например. И това е. Кажи просто една (1) банда, която да не е така, за да имат упреците ти към Metallica някаква почва, ебати!

Иначе ако става въпрос за техничарски умения - това обикновено е аргумента на всички душевно импотентни хора, които не схващат, че музиката е въпрос на чувство и емоция, а не гонене на рекорд по изстреляни ноти в секунда. Още повече, че Metallica специално не знам да са имали особено големи претенции да са каквито и да е техничари. Пичовете дънят пънк-рок кавъри за Бога! И това е идеята - it rocks! Другото са глупости...

[Fish]

Виж сега, това, че Metallica са били велики едно време, не значи, че сега не са достойни за съжаление клоуни. Дали са много на сцената и това е достойно за възхищение, но за стореното през последните 15 години не заслужават друго, освен негативи.

[pa®tci]

Стига сте се крънкяли - всичко опира до комерс Има адски много банди, чиято музика е можело да промени сцената по един или друг начин, но липсата на промоция и подкрепа от лейбълите, с които са подписали, не веднаж и дваж са "карали" тез банди просто да се разпаднат в небитието, и то за сметка на банди Любимци на същите тези лейбъли ... а и да не забравяме за влиянието на "музикалните" телевизии; а сега -> back on topic, плийз... ръзийш ли...





ПП Кур за МеталицА

[Aggressive Perfe...]

Архивите предлагат някои мега-тъпи ревюта...

S.O.D. - Speak English or Die

What a silly little album - 56%
Written by UltraBoris on August 8th, 2002

Yes, it may have been a thrash revolution when it came out, but this album is fraught with underdeveloped songs and riff ideas that really go nowhere. There are just far too many good riffs here to call this a total waste, but so many of the songs are over way too fast before they are properly developed. 11 songs out of 22 are between 1.30 and 2.33 long, which pretty much means that you have three main riffs: an intro, an under-verse, and a New York style contrast break riff. Which is nice, but if you put two of these songs together, you'd actually get somewhere (where somewhere = Nuclear Assault's "Game Over" album, to be more exact).

The remaining 11 songs are practically complete throwaways: "Diamonds and Rust extended version", "Hey Gordy", etc etc. The exceptions are "Chromatic Death" which is a nice instrumental, and "Fuck the Middle East", which is 24 seconds long, and is pretty much two verses and out.

Again, the riffs are there, but everything is so completely disjoint that it's hard for this album to really find a rhythm. Which is a shame, since a lot of these songs are catchy as fuck, and would've made awesome 3 minute thrash anthems (see again, the "Game Over" album - I'm not just saying that arbitrarily, the Dan Lilker influence is heavy on both).

Sepultura - Arise

They were running out of riffs - 74%
Written by UltraBoris on August 3rd, 2002

This album is very interesting in that it does not suck, but if you compare it with its predecessor (Beneath the Remains), you can pretty much extrapolate that the next one is going to suck (Chaos AD).

This is the third of Sepultura's three great thrash albums in a row, starting with Schizophrenia. It is not as frantic as the two that preceded it, and the songs are not quite as fast, and have more of a groove to them. That said, each song still has 5 to 10 memorable riffs (just not 15-20 riffs like Beneath the Remains, or 41 riffs like "From the Past Comes the Storms" on Schizophrenia). Yes, the two albums before this one are better, but that doesn't mean this one is worth ignoring. If you like thrash, you will like this album.

The best songs on here are the title track, "Dead Embryonic Cells" which has a very nice New-York-thrash styled main riff (single note, midpaced, "mosh riff"), and also the last track, Infected Voice, which is quite a nice closer, and is probably the most brutal on here. In conclusion, this is Sepultura's last album worth getting.

I’d Rather Listen to a Pantera Clone... - 35%
Written by MushroomStamp on December 10th, 2007

This is the Toto of thrash/death metal – technically proficient musicians playing a tame, half-finished clone of what they try to aim at. Gone is the fury of past albums, replaced with a by-the-textbook collection of songs. The quality and quantity of riffs and drum hooks has experienced a severe drop since 1987, and with Max Cavalera’s vocals remaining as one-dimensional as always before, there is nothing at hand that could save this album from being a monotonous celebration of boredom.

What of the riffs, the basis of any thrashy album…? Combine a dry guitar tone, masses of unimaginative palm muting and an astounding lack of tonal variety, and the end result is the rhythm guitar that is found on Arise. It is as if there are only four riffs on the album, recycled ad infinitum – the first is, of course, the palm muted E and its dear friend Random Power Chord, played at a moderately fast tempo; the second is the half-time feel version of the previous; the third is the fast ”Arise” variation; and the fourth is a merry feelgood riff (see 0:42 of Murder, for example).

Perhaps the band realized how dull its songs were turning out, so they decided to spice up things with a few lead guitar bits on top of the riffing. Sepultura were never masters of melody, but on Arise, they insist on trying it anyway – enter guitar ditties that hover above the songs without a lasting effect. Together with the inane rhythm guitar work that plagues the album, these leads form a marriage that is a Lutheran Protestant’s dream – devoid of surprises, grey in colour, and something your grandmother wouldn’t be offended by.

The songs on Arise follow a predictable pattern: there is a constant fluttering between faster sections and parts in half-time feel. This is, along with the lack of true headbanger riffs, one of the most crucial elements to contribute to the mediocrity of this album. These are not good breakdowns that release energy of past riffs; these are random slow-downs. Whenever a decent thrash riff begins (often the first riff of a song), its feet of clay are shot from under it within seconds by the fearsome giant called Boring and Useless Midtempo Section. In addition, the connections between these different parts are often all too vague – or nonexistent – further underlining how terribly lazy the songwriting is.

The only song that manages to build some momentum by not fucking around completely aimlessly is Desperate Cry, although even that number does not bear too many listens a month. The title track and the last offering Infected Voice are decent thrash numbers structure-wise, but they suffer from the mediocre riffing of Max and Andreas. As for the rest: Jesus Christ, I would rather listen to a random Pantera clone.

Това ме смаза.

Sepultura - Chaos A.D.

Pretty much worthless - 21%
Written by Mungo on May 29th, 2007

After putting out four albums which were the perfect blend of death and thrash metal with shitloads of riffs, Sepultura seemed to have run out of ideas. They couldn’t come up with any new thrash riffs that were actually good, and the aggression they previously held was slipping away. They wanted to continue however, and so they released the steaming dung heap that would be known as Chaos AD.

See, the boys in Sepultura, having previously written songs with at least six riffs a song played at breakneck speed, weren’t sure how to write another album considering their lack of solid riffs. So they picked some thrash riffs out at random, slowed them down and downtuned to make up for the lack of heaviness. This way they could have an excuse for playing slow to midpaced with a single riff per song, and to the people who said it wasn’t thrash, they could counter them by saying it had a ‘more crushing sound’. They weren’t really that angry as before, but they needed something to make it sound more metal, so they threw in some unintelligent lyrics focused around anti authority. Sure, they weren’t exactly geniuses at writing lyrics on the previous albums, but at least those ones suited the type of music they used to play. Max Cavalera’s voice was starting to go to shit but he couldn’t sing, so instead of doing death-ish screams/growls, he opted for an idiotic sounding shout which was supposed to sound extreme and pissed off, but ended up sounding more annoying than anything else.

That’s really what the album sounds like. When you combine all the aforementioned elements you get a pretty good image in your head of what the content involves. The whole thing drags along in the same pattern, not really changing or evolving or speeding up, just content to stay at the same pace, with the same sounding ‘riffs’, with the same drawn out shouts. As one could expect, this starts to get old quickly. While it isn’t too bad listening to a song every now and then, trying to listen to the whole album is a chore, I myself only having done it once. It just stays the same, not managing to keep the listeners attention for more than five minutes or so. And just when a good riff comes along and manages to make the listener sit up, it is slaughtered by some stupid noises (Manifest), annoying vocals (Biotech is Godzilla) or something else of equal worthlessness. The album is 50 minutes long, but feels as if it should be 20, and the individual songs are too long at only 3 or 4 minutes.

This album is just pointless and worthless. When you consider who released it and the quality of their previous albums it feels as if it is a different band behind it. This isn’t even recommended for people who are heavily into groove metal, and the few highlights (Refuse/Resist and Slave New World) are barely even worth downloading. This is a failure in every sense of the word, and a completely worthless album.

This is a serious effort? - 21%
Written by UltraBoris on May 29th, 2004

This must be a complete joke, right? After Arise, which had plenty of groove but also plenty of riffs, they put out... this?? This doesn't even function well as punk rock, it's that sloppy and that careless and that seemingly done without regard to making music.

What this can be described as best is a vocal track over random instrumentation, where the two are entirely disjoint and appear to have been recorded in separate studios. Instrumentally, the whole damn thing sounds like one really long intro to a thrash album, with the slow riffs that come in and any minute now - really, any time now, come on folks, you expect this to blast out into some screaming riffage.

The closest thing that this comes to screaming riffage is the intro to Slave New World, which is a bit above midpaced, and for the most part sounds like a punk rock song... not quite thrash enough to be thrash, but at least it doesn't sound like someone is trying to pass a bowel movement.

The rest of the album... yep, it's pure defecation. Including Max's constipated vocals being mixed far too loud in the mix... these aren't death growls; these are random barks. And they are about 9dB too loud for anyone's good. All you hear is this megalomaniac asshole talking with his funny accent, like a badly designed Hitler making a badly designed speech.

DAS!

EST!

GUT!

The whole FUCKING album sounds like that. Believe me, it's funny for the first ten seconds or so (Chaos AD, tanks on the streets!) but then you start wondering if the whole thing ever turns into anything musical, ever.

Aside from the brief moments here and there, the answer is, no it does not ever turn into anything musical. The only digressions from the random Machine Head sounding half-Pantera riffs (does that make them quarter-thrash??) are silly instrumentals like Kaiowas - that little acoustic guitar bit sounds more Fleetwood Mac than anything else, except Fleetwood Mac didn't sound like a 33rpm LP stuck on repeat, ever. And I can still hear you saying, you - and I can still hear you saying, you - and I can still hear you saying... OH AND TURN THOSE FUCKING DRUMS DOWN.

Oh yeah, the cover of The Hunt? Everyone calls this a highlight... the only thing that's any good about it is that the vocals are turned down a bit, and it's a bit more catchy than the rest; but not nearly enough to make it any memorable.

Complete shit here from the cunts of Brasil. Again, I don't think this is a serious record. Like Bathory's "Octagon", they probably thought that people would - given the quality of the first four albums - buy anything with a 'Sepultura' tag on it.

Well, don't buy this shit. It's completely without value. Good grief, it's worse than the first Machine Head album. There's pretty much nothing catchy here - not the opening riff to Refuse-Resist, not anywhere else. Okay maybe the first few seconds of Manifest (before they get into the random stupidity), and about half of Slave New World, but come on, even Regurgitated Cow Fetus could come up with a minute and a half of thrash among forty-eight minutes of pure shit.

Хааааааааааахахахахахахахахаахахахаха!

[scion_of_storm]

Аз ти казвам , че ултраборис е фурия

[Rodd1ck]

Аз пръв го споменах.

[Aggressive Perfe...]

^Ама тоя наистина е тъп:
At the Gates - Slaughter of the Soul

A less annoying The Haunted - 38%
Written by UltraBoris on May 21st, 2003

So imagine if The Haunted actually threw in more than one thrash riff per career, and didn't have that idiot of a hardcore barker doing vocals... well, you'd get this album. This is pretty much staple Gothenburg death metal, with some decent riffage every once in a while... unfortunately every once in a while it succumbs to the absolute wretched dynamic excesses that make Dark Tranquillity and the other mainstays of the genre so unlistenable. These two cardinal sins are: a) Drop the guitars and make the vocals the main point of the song, and 2) lots of overlong noodling without real riff intensity.

The first two songs are straightforward and solid, with even a nice thrash riff in Blinded by Fear popping up - then Cold is where the album reveals its true "melodic" character... there's the silly acoustic passage around 1.45 and then the solo over the really fucking boring midpaced riff right after that. Then, the end of Under a Serpent Sun has the vocals interlude. Yeah, if you like Gothenburg, you'll like this one.

Then there's the dumb interlude "Into a Dead Sky", which then returns us to the "usual" sound of fast not-quite-thrash riffage of Suicide Nation. The Haunted fans, listen up... this is your album right here. The song gets better as it goes on, but it is still very repetitive. Suicide, suicide, suicide.... great.

The good parts of the album - decent solos and when they have fast riffs underneath they are quite enjoyable, it is the midpaced wankery that really sucks, and man these guys are good at that too - apparently to graduate from Gothenburg University you have to take a degree in that. Even the fast songs kinda blend into each other - the verse sections are completely interchangeable.

But hey, it's a massive step up over previous At the Gates, which was just absurdly bad.

[Wolfheart]

Manigance - LґOmbre Et La Lumiere
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Nowadays, the Power Metal terrain is well mapped. Discovering new territory is becoming more and more difficult.

Manigance did exactly that with their 2002 album 'Ange Ou Demon', but arguably, 2004's 'D'un Autre Sang' saw the band conceding ground to some of the new kids on the block.

Thankfully, guitarist Francoise Merle and vocalist Didier Delsaux appear to have sharpened up their songwriting pencils for this, Manigance's fourth full studio album, 'L'Ombre Et La Lumiere'.

That said, and maybe it's no surprise, there's nothing here to match the majesty of 'Dernier Hommage', the splendour of 'L'Ultime Seconde' or the adrenalin pumping kick of 'Integrite' from 'AOD'. But a number of tracks at least replicate 'Ange Ou Demon's energetic vitality and one or two come tantalisingly close to 'Ange Ou Demon's power metal benchmark.

'L'Ombre et la Lumiere' explodes into life with the awesome sensory overload of 'Envahisseur', a gilded Prog/Power metal hybrid. Other standout moments include the escalating operatics of 'Sang Millenaire', the neck snapping, high velocity power of 'Privilege' and 'Sentinelle's pneumatically powered riff and motorised rhythms. But album standout by a mile (or a kilometre) is the atypical 'La Force Des Souvenirs'. This track positively pulses with life and is suffused with such compassion and tenderness that in any other setting, the surrounding tracks would seem cold and emotionless.

The one constant across all four albums - and therefore easy to take for granted - has been Merle's plush, heavily layered production. Here, it's coated with a sheen of sonic grandeur that is absolutely perfect for the band's ambitious power metal, and particularly for Delsaux's dynamic delivery. Within that operatic framework, Merle's own guitarwork is epic, creating an overwhelming sense of momentum and an unstoppable drive that just takes no prisoners.

Frequently, where the songs just aren't strong enough, the performances and the production save the day.

But unfortunately, at times you just can't escape the feeling that it's all a bit forced, that what could have been so special is rendered a little bit predictable by the lack of really memorable melodies. But have no doubt, this is better than most, it's just that Manigance now seem to be constantly teetering on the brink - greatness seems impossibly elusive for this outstanding band. Pity.

Rating: 6/10

Често се случва някоя пауър група като кривне от пауъра, верните й пауър фенове да се нахвърлят и бой!!! Същото беше и с последния албум на Sonata Arctica. И Sonata и Manigance никога не са били баш пауър и никога не са се опитвали да се придържат към рамките на този стил.

Фрази, като pneumatically powered riff и motorised rhythms трепят прасето с мотиката.

[Rolf]

И Sonata и Manigance никога не са били баш пауър и никога не са се опитвали да се придържат към рамките на този стил.

Точно пък Sonata никога да не са били... Ранният им Stratovarius-ки период ако не е пауър, не знам кое е.